duplicity in surroundings | There was an incident in 2005, prior to this blog's beginning, where we thought we had lost a loved one -- kidnapped and hurt somewhere in Montreal's dark and vicious back alleys -- fortunately we were wrong but I discovered an amplified fear at that moment that is still lingering in the back of my head [ref: sous les vieilles roches de la ville]. It pains me to elaborate on the subject so I'll spare you the full details but in essence, aside from the hopelessness of the search and the concern for our loved one -- a terrible and desperate urgency to begin with -- we had to search through dark areas that are litterally parallel to the city's charming facades. Dark, dangerous, evil, hidden areas that are unknown to most yet so very near and so very present. Is there any place one would not scour to save a loved one? Exactly. But that wasn't our immediate concern at first, these evil factors were simply... distractions but as the search went on, they also heightened the gravity of the situation. It was later on, when all was said and done, relieved that no harm had befallen our friend, that it started to hit me; it was something other than the near loss experience and I had barely realized it in the heat of the moment... "distractions that had heightened the gravity of the situation", the distractions lingered. It kicked in at first in the intense rush of the moment, briefly, when I exasperately opened up a plywood panel to access sub-levels of one of the many abandonned buildings from where we had heard faint cries for help, I realized it wasn't broken glass that was cracking underneath my footing but actually leftover syringes... but the panel itself was a door to a dark forgotten area, one of many, the sudden light made things move in the dark, things... rather "humans" (homeless or junkies whatever) were moving out of the light's way back into their shadows -- not unlike insects, underneath rocks. There were numerous areas where a victim could've been hidden, amongst vile things that prefered the shadows... things were looking bleaker. Then came worse instances but it isn't necessary to lay them all out. I'll never forget the look on ******'s face, such an strong figure, broken down in tears of hopelessness and despair... and those of my friends who also scattered the remaining areas and warned local authorities. The imminent danger of it all. "She" had not been taken. Thankfully, "She" had simply left without notifying us and returned in time for us not to delve deeper... but the voice that some heard did belong to another, perhaps one them, perhaps not... and it would've been futile to seek her out -- in their territory. It's right there, parallel to some of the most beautiful streets of the city, right behind you. It hits me... everytime I see the scenery change -- as you walk by peaceful stores on St-Denis, all of a sudden an alley appears -- and it leads to another dark refuge. I doubt that it is overreacting if I point out that we often take our safety for granted, I know I don't need to underline it but we do need to watch over each other... more than we usually do. This came back to me last night, like backlash, in a dream from which I awoke -- absolutely terrified -- where I knew I had to return to a dark basement of sorts where all evil things occured, such a small place, hard to access, but the corner led elsewhere and there is nothing scarier than being endangered in what was seemingly once a safe haven. It dawned on me earlier today, the similarities... this was the dream's significance, obviously, more than a year later... it's still somehow right here, behind me.