interfere with lovers [02]

Working with artwork that I barely recall doing, trying to stay true to the original plan... different plans and scenarios were put together in handwritten "novels" throughout the tiniest lettering and graphs/statistics that remain inexplicable to me as I flip through these intimate pages, even now. They were done already, it's easy to see why I was reluctant to put the final touches on these, somehow I didn't want them to be shown at all (I couldn't believe what was happening). They're awful, in a good way. Get rid of them, tone it down a bit and move on.

exactly as I said it would be

Nothing's important during the 52nd week of the year, nothing except what is truly important. I am relatively certain that I could accomplish as much as I usually do within this no-dire-pressure frame of mind. Deadlines come and go, sketchbooks piling up, cigarette wrappers on the floor, thoughtful offerings making themselves at home... It's all part of a false psychological mind-fuck, the year's end. It's just a few calendar dates obviously. I know you know. For many of us, it's a whole new direction. Unfortunately, it's also an easy way for the majority to make amends. Why now? 'Cause it's a brand new page -- for everyone alike. Don't take this impression for granted, nevermind how irrelevant it is, it's still an exceptional experience. It's like one big global drug. All high on "the new year", setting goals / expecting more. I've set very low expectations for 2005 and it's exactly as I said it would be. Not that it was an effortless task though, but there was no let down. Looking back now, although it was vitaly necessary, it was one huge waste. All these piled up books should be scattered accros the floor here, make room for xx xxxxx before it's too late. Not because of 2005, for the benefit of 2005.

211205

More signs point to the cursed building. How we lost the view from the backyard (first photo above taken in january 2005 and the photo bellow; what it looks like now in december 2005) [ ref: pygmalion photos 02 & 51 ]. Winnifred, I am thankful you've never had to lay eyes on this horror. The balcony on the front face of the appartment is still beautiful, very busy, very alive, cold and dark like any other Montreal area, perhaps a bit more here in Little Italy. It could all force us to look forward from now on, especially now that the noises are gone. Echoes though, as much as I've tried this year -- echoes can still be heard.

nef2

Paco couldn't do the show, it wouldn't have been the full electro le soir anyway but he's a genius, it would've been great. Isabelle couldn't play either, for the same reasons, her lovely cello would've helped immensly, plus she has such a graceful/quiet prescence on stage... Miller couldn't play drums 'cause of his back problems, then on location he couldn't join me 'cause we overlooked the amount of gear that we had at our disposal. That meant some actual solo simon. In the 2003 edition, under the band name thedesolatei, we had prepared a full band acoustic set to accompany our peers in Thundra, it was ignored beyond belief, and I lashed out at some guys in the crowd for the lack of respect, our hard work went unoticed and I made sure it wouldn't be the case this year unless le soir was ready to do the full-on electro gig, which we weren't. I knew I had to do something musical for the show, aside from doing all the art for it, but I didn't want to work my bandmates to death for a repeat of the 2003 fiasco. But the weeks went by, and aside from being preoccupied with my usual work-load I had to dish out the anti-design NEF2 coloring book, all the posters, flyers etc on my "spare" time (though I love doing it, I'm at my best when I have carte blanche). In the back of my head I was concerned, I had a simple 20 minute spot to fill on the stage, but what to do... depress the shit out of people, some pure no-compromise sad songs or an up-beat crowd-pleasing repertoir? I did a bit of both. And that was my first mistake. See this year, I was part of the opening "filler" acts alongside AYIN (which I played a Love And Rockets cover with) and the "ensemble de voix bulgares" so I figured I might not be that much of a dark poet in between those two acts, I wouldn't get the soul blame for the show's downer periods (but that's something that I trully enjoy, but it's a minority, not that I should care but I do, and that was my second mistake). So my time came, and for some fucked up reason, as if by reflex, I started playing motionless and still which was not the first song I wanted to start with -- at all. But I did it. And that one worked out. I followed it by another one called capture which I had just composed yesterday morning, it was a blatant showcase of my vocal abilites, easily strumming repetitious notes that I can vocally play with in different chords. That went well too. Then I felt I was borring the crowd, some idiotic insecurity, so I decided to up the tempo a bit and did a cover of Talk Show's "Ring Twice" (get it now?) and that was my fatal mistake. I could blame my lack of stage experience of the fact that I was really fucking alone up there but I totally missed the last chords of the song, over and over like an amateurish retard. It was the first time it ever happened to me "live", ever. I could forget parts of songs and stuff like that but I've never missed a note. The damn mic stand was about higher than the middle of my face 'cause I couldn't adjust it when it started (and no one came to my rescue either) so my neck was always stretched out high, preventing me from being at ease with those high notes, really I'm not as bad as you might think, I hit those fucking notes like it was nothing -- sadly, it didn't happen there and it fucked up my whole night. I exagerated the end of the song 'cause I could feel the pitty coming from the crowd and let it die down. Laughing at myself in spite of it in a way... appologized to the crowd and ended with a SAFE song called collapse which was obviously barried by heavy crowd noise at that point, they had enough. And that one was just ok. But it was cold as hell. Exit stage left and face everyone I knew. Face endless pitty compliments. Just so embarassing. I had to do another song with Plajia later that night, a song I wrote with Patrick a few years ago called "Dummy" so I did that too. And that went well I think. From what I had heard before the actual show, I thought Ayin was pretty smooth, turns out that's not all there is to it, they did an excellent performance and seeing as how I was playing right after them, that gave me lots pressure, a really bad spot to tone it down as some would say, hence another challenge. The ensemble de voix bulgares were next after my set, featuring the ever lovely Danielle Richard from La Cage De Bruits, they sung like angels, it was absolutely captivating (putting more emphasis on the idiot who screwed up alone on stage right before them). Roxanne Gadoua joined Plajia on stage on piano, she's amazing, though the band talked a bit throughout her intro and that was kinda awkward. The band was really heavy this time around, very tight set as usual and a refreshing song with Patrick on piano also. I'm biased by this I guess but Martiens kicked ass as usual, my favorite performers, you've never seen them live? Huge loss... remedy that. Same goes for La Cage De Bruits, insane set with Danielle finally showing her truer colors. The bands made my night, I ruined mine. There's a lesson to be learned here.

black tie?

(The latter?) Spent the day at the hospital, due to some of the issues mentionned in previous topics (perhaps). Thank you for putting things into perspective. On my way back home, I left drawings of positive messages on subway benches. Will they be read or sold on eBay again? Who knows, as long as they're understood really -- it's about male/female chivalry part deux.

follow the white tie

'Cause you can spot it around town, on many different necks but none as beautiful as mine. It's another celibate Holiday season, this one's easier to bare though, all thanks to my financial endeavors (which should result to that myth I refer to as free time) excellent period for my built-up creative drive (and yeah, a bit of that other one too). It's paint, cigarettes and music, in that order. I rant incessantly about alcohol and smokes; well baby, they're part of my creative process. It's fake! Blasphemous shit my ass, it helps, some like tea, I like to be a walking piece of trash. A bad human being, creating beautiful art. Rush, smoke, see clearer, drink, calm down, incubate interpret develop assume! Assume's a VERY important part of what I do, see below concerning prints et al. I won't go into that whole "what I like is easy" diatribe (I'm sure I'll have enough time to do so very soon, relentlessly at that, just you wait... ) but on the other hand, I've rarely had to sell my point of view to that extent (maybe in Montreal of all places, but that doesn't really "count" now does it?). It would be practicle to have it written down though. Anyway, some prefer to wait 'til they're found, some prefer to wait 'til they're lost.