sunlight

The sunlight came back, as if it was a calculated coup; so did lots of souvenirs. Not what I consider to be a suitable end to three weeks of rain. It was an eerie week (and week-end) of past reminders, faces I hadn't seen in a long time -- though most of wich were very pleasant there are always those that I would rather not see again... every souvenir, obviously, has its own ups and downs. Among them was my ex-girlfriend, whom I haven't seen since xxxxxx (ref: the less I know), these types of encounters rarely end well... I won't discuss how this has affected me (now you know it did) despite my vague rantings, I do keep some secrets to myself -- however I felt it was necessary to point out the magnitude of these sudden coincidental reunions, in such a short time frame, right when the rain ended. I've been feeling very puzzled by all this, perhaps too much of a strong dosage all at once... is it as simple as "too much of then, not enough of now"? Aside from work (and even that isn't saying much), what else has moved forward since 2004? There isn't any real coherent thought to this, mainly observations, but at least I know I'm not affraid of being too comfortable then, and there's something specific about that word, I see my old entourage as moving in circles (litterally) and I would hate to be stuck there again, I'm not judging their lifestyle, it just isn't satisfying to me, it IS safe (well actually no) but I never saw the appeal -- though I feel like I've been sidetracking for roughly two years now, I've experienced "moving in a straight line" a few years back and I've never felt so alive in all of my life. The culmunation of all of these sudden memories coming in and out of my life last week, and the uneasiness I've been feeling because of it could've been due to an impending desire to find that straight line again, like it all happened for a reason, maybe even a warning. I'm not waiting on any reasonable closure, I know that my heart solely longs to discover something/somebody new -- but damn, not yet! There's a lot of cleaning yet to be done before I can even begin to look for that line again (or until I'm ready to be surprised by one), be "new" for "new", moral and beautiful, cleased, and may the clouds come back and shelter me 'til then.