100 posts in exactly one year and the alcohol still hits. There are vices in most of our family histories, perhaps especially in french-canadian descendants. Much of this is due to the Catholic Church here in Quebec. Much of this is their fault, not all of it, but I take sincere pleasure in calling them out on their atrocities. I have my own personal beliefs (very limited ones at that) but the instant an organization will profit from your faith -- it becomes a business. There's no debate, it's a business. Your faith should not cost you money. My parents are strong, my parents are the exception. They've overcome more trials than I'll ever have to face. I do not want to imagine the state I would've been in today had it not been for their love and their lessons. Still, a poison flows through our veins from the previous generations. I cannot blame genetics for my vice(s), nor do I, but it ads to my susceptibility. And yes, if you cave in to that notion; you inherit it. I don't... but I'm aware of the fine line and as I've mentioned numerous times on this blog, I won't be hypocritical about it. It's an escape that has major long term concequences but... it is an escape. I have found it to be more difficult to endure complete sobriety than to occasionally indulge and juggle the fine line. It's a weak excuse, I know, but I'm being truthful.
[ malaise / enter the liar on the opposite stage / while I lay low / I deal with the pressure while he deals with the crowd / so why am I here / a sexual deviant insists on a seperate affair / while I remain faithful / mathematic rain, foreign but fine / so why am I here / spreading lies across the stage ] ~ An « alice in wonderland » themed celebration / split personality / red/green/grays / an english garden and an escape from the crowd / a closing event/moment that can send you in two different directions.
[ TUESDAY, AUGUST 16, 2005 Montreal [01] | Sous les roches (les vielles roches) d'un jardin se cache des insectes, des déchets | WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 17, 2005 it's august | Autumn's always been more of lover's season... | MONDAY, AUGUST 22, 2005 sans soucis et juste pour moi | It's what I've dubbed safe art. You'll have to sit down and read this phrase very carefully now, because, you don't read it often enough -- it's the kind of art that I enjoy | TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 06, 2005 see you in september | Not taking the responsible route -- just driving | FRIDAY, OCTOBER 21, 2005 w42 | I am envious of those who can move on faster, those who can brush aside the past like it was nothing. More power to them but there's evidently something unhealthy about constant change | WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 09, 2005 pygmalion, seven weeks to go | 39 celebrates 23 (or the other way around), 31 marks the spot, a shitload of shots are relevant to 02 and will end with 51, 25 was horrible, 07 was my heart, 30 made me strong... | SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 20, 2005 201105 | So the opposite would be to venture where I have no desire to be, am I right? Either paths will hurt, though one of them at least is all new to me | MONDAY, DECEMBER 05, 2005 follow the white tie | I like to be a walking piece of trash. A bad human being, creating beautiful art | WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 21, 2005 211205 | Echoes though, as much as I've tried this year -- echoes can still be heard | SATURDAY, JANUARY 07, 2006 get off on non-smoking | Why don't you go and concentrate your efforts on the homeless people freezing their asses off in that alley right behind you... doesn't that seem a bit more important and urgent than... a fucking POSTER? | THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 02, 2006 oh imminent collapse | My school of thought used to be that negativity results in negativity and that positivity results in a "chance". Really, with both ends of the candle getting oh so close -- why not just go mad and give in for a little while | TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 07, 2006 hail hail the birthday boy | A call from years back, rings like it was yesterday (rang twice). I wasn't able to lie, no point in doing so. "How are you?" - "I'm... terrible, and you?" | WEDNESDAY, MARCH 15, 2006 husk /essem post number sixty | well, that's change isn't it? Have you ever noticed that a "nice change" is just that -- a nice change; change is so commonly bad that when it is good, it's attatched to an adjective. Nice change. A rare occurence then | FRIDAY, MARCH 24, 2006 soft light | Most people find it depressing and I wonder how "neutrality" can be a downer -- you make it your own. It's such an insulting label... | SATURDAY, APRIL 01, 2006 Montreal [03] | that shouldn't be your sole lifestyle, you know? On blank stares of idiotic women, looking down on me while I have no desire to set the record straight | MONDAY, APRIL 10, 2006 -- | I'll remember my mid-twenties as the time when my body couldn't take as much abuse as it used to | TUESDAY, APRIL 25, 2006 according to | Don't make me you, I don't want to be you, but I do love you | MONDAY, MAY 01, 2006 mirror ball | It isn't harmful nostalgia or anything, but it goes a long way to show how quickly things change given enough time | WEDNESDAY, MAY 03, 2006 cellulaire seconde main | This commercial is fucking with smokers AND non-smokers alike, do I really need to lay it out for you? | SUNDAY, MAY 07, 2006 080506 | j'oublie comment le français écrit est loin d'être mon français parlé. L'immense contraste m'inspire aucunement, c'est loin d'être naturel, chaque phrase légèrement embellie sonne prétentieuse et sans-âme | WEDNESDAY, JUNE 14, 2006 interfere with lovers [04] | Interfere with lovers was not meant to be a specific jab; it's a common situation (in that order) that happens to the majority of lovers, and that is why they've derived from their original appearance [ref: all the 2004 writtings], because sacred bonds (good and bad) must remain personal -- and lo behold the "compromise". --- My point is that such an intense feeling, one that has a substancial power/influence of you, has a tendency to be easier (wrong word here) to channel (evidently an attempt to be rid of it) -- and had love prevailed, a brighter palette might've been possible | FRIDAY, JUNE 30, 2006 [out of season] | The ugly aging busted up smoker in black, shoulders pretending not to bear an overbearing weight of souvenirs and stress. What a wreck. I'm sure children assume I'm the personification of walking exhaustion -- I swear I'm still optimistic | WEDNESDAY, JULY 05, 2006 [uphill] | I've realized that I'm dealing with an increasing uneasiness while being subjected to strong daytime sunlight. It's an all new high in moronic self-consciousness | TUESDAY, JULY 11, 2006 [more on the July repose] | Montreal will love you only if it wants you (and can't have you) | THURSDAY, JULY 20, 2006 ville fantôme, approx | L'illusion d'urgence de la ville s'efface temporairement, tout est tellement moins imédiat... c'est facile de comprendre comment plusieurs se laissent bercer par le comfort -- mais c'est pas pour moi, j'ai pas fini ici malheureusement ]