duplicity in subtlety | Like I said in January '07 "Let it linger, attack later" -- I spontaneously attacked this morning, maybe the most (and first) successful attempt yet. I'm on a cautious high, very close to its end but not necessarily a fulfilling end but an imposed point of no return. A few years back, I stumbled upon a set of antique black and white photographs my family took of "la nuit rouge"; the Rimouski fire of 1950. Our roots, homes, souvenirs and birth records all gone in flames. It might've given the Church more control over the younger french generations in its aftermath, or maybe not, but those that had found shelter in religious retreats soon saw its malicious duplicity. I've finally found a use for the shots as a parallel to my current life (instead of risking an homage to the actual event) done in sublety as is the interpretation of the theme itself. There was no way I was going to go the obvious route of illustrating duplicity by evidently exposing different coin sides on every art piece (ie: oh, here's a sad girl on the right and a happy one of the left -- genius). And that was one part of the struggle. Subtle deceptions as opposed to misleading behaviors. What seems to be one thing quickly turns into another. And then there's the issue of long lasting repercussions. Perhaps insignificant at first but somehow still hovering over you today. Could be age, I don't know, there just isn't a lot of people in any position to harm me anymore. Not that kind of harm anyway. It seems that duplicity in surroundings can have more of a long term effect than treason coming from any individual 'cause unless the love and trust go both ways, it's just unfortunate deceit. One other nuisance. A lover can really harm you, it's the ideal offensive but it is always remedied with time (or so you hope, and you should) 'cause ultimately you let the lover in, you've always got your share of the blame. How long can that really last? That's not the deception I fear, that's the deception I can eventually grow out of, calculate and perhaps even anticipate. Although if it did mold you into what you are today, hopefully in terms of an intense relationship that lasted years, then that doesn't fall in the same category anymore. It is no longer deception, it's just you, maybe a different you, who cares really, just go on about your day. It isn't what I fear. I fear that damn alleyway... that damn word... the object, the color, the way the sun hits the building, the souvenir you forgot, the souvenir you take for granted that comes back to haunt you no matter how trivial it may seem -- when one thing quickly turns into another and you're transposed elsewhere. They're invisible threats that you can't control. And now I have to show you what it looks like on paper.