Yesterday I was on the topic of alcohol dependency with a friend of mine and I mentionned that it was at "that point" again, that very dangerous fine line, so I decided to cut down on drinking for a while. Cue two hours later around 5pm, I opened up a bottle of Masi '03 red wine and drank it all by my lonesome. Talk about doing a 180 on principles... I was just sick of feeling sadness and stress so I spontaneously decided to make it go away for a little while. And it did. But yeah, you know, it hits twice as hard when the buzz goes away and that is how drinking works. An empty stomach, head full of pain and sadness makes inebriation come quickly and last a bit longer. It's a pathetic out... does it work though? Yeah. I also loathe that "oh it's winter, it's that time of year" depression tag. I'm sorry but everything is seriously fucked lately and it has nothing to do with lack of light and or vitamin C. Is the pursuit of harmony so hard to venture onto? I love my family, I love my close friends -- when they feel good, I feel better. It helps. No good decision making can come out of times like these. It's all very dark. 'Til then I blow out candles whising nothing but positivity for myself and anyone around me. 'Cause, aside from all this being an ego thing, it's like no matter what I do, I feel responsible. And I am very responsible in some situations, others are merely repercussions or indirect matters that affect me. Out of paths, cycles and calculations come interesting and idiotic patterns -- all unreliable. Have I cursed every single person whom I've shared my life with?