*** says: (18:20:16)
vous faites quoi ce soir groupe ?

d says: (18:21:44)
on s'habille a mode pis on cruise des plottes dans des afterhours avec une superficialité évidente seulement chez les gens intelligents

d says: (18:22:05)
ah non, ça c'est demain


290306

Dr*nking urges/positive ones? That's a thin thin line alright. Yeah it's kinda like how time flies -- without fully appreciating it. I hate when it slips through my hands like that (obvious: it's lack of control). Anticipating a strong cash flow before summer, in order to work less and prevent it from slipping any further. In the meantime though, I'm dishing out art left and right, art that means something to me, created in this very room to represent/match different art. It requires most of my time, you should know that I work when I am not working (de là le besoin de me remplir/m'assomer vite probablement, c'est le vide malicieux qui me gouverne, j'ai pas le choix). When it's all said and done, I'll sit and watch it slip slowly.

soft light

This is a morose taste of mine, not for the sound nor the look of it anyway (and "morose" only by general definition), I love gray days. They make you feel as though you're not missing out on anything while you're spending time locked inside somewhere -- and I find the opposite very comforting too; walking outside, maybe even accomapnied by some smooth breeze/chill, gray tones are soft, they're soothing: I'm a small black scribble over a gray canvas. But that's me, y'know? Makes me feel safer outside, and I love to have more layers of clothing (by preference, by taste). Most people find it depressing and I wonder how "neutrality" can be a downer -- you make it your own. It's such an insulting label... I do think depression is a disease. Off-topic. In order for me to reveal how positively this "atmosphere" affects me, I have to cross out some negative stereotypes. This is such a minoritous feeling that when asked, I'd prefer outright lying about it just to avoid the discussion.. "sure I miss the sun". Bullshit. I can enjoy a few sunny rays but I don't long for them as much as I enjoy nice gray pauses. London, mmm. The weather compeled me to write about it when I woke up this morning, I have an honest sigh of releif when I see the neutral lighting outside my window -- and I become oh so productive and creative; it charges my batteries, does that sound "depressing" to you now?

[ The sun came up a minute after posting this blog... *sigh ]

aim?shot?no-target

It's been above my head for over 5 years now; a roundish 80s style three-bulb ceiling lamp. It emits the most awful shade of vivid yellow I've ever seen (with one socket that has never worked and another one that has a broken bulb stuck in it). Mind you, the place was built in the early 1900s so the other rooms have chandeliers, but no, not in this one. I've taken steps to change this, to no avail -- yet. Slowly driving me insane, incapable... like a vacuum above my head, sucking away creative/positive vibes, walking around with a heavy presence above my shoulders not unlike guilt though not a necessary one. We all have these very present devils around us, all you need to do is turn your head upside down to identify the source (know what I'm getting to?). Wouldn't it feel so good to rip it out of its' place? This is somewhat metaphoric, I know. Small vicotories, better than no victories.

it's in the way, like that station in the middle

hahahahah yes I did it, I did it: cliché montrealer photo of the subway. I'll go one step further on this one though, 'cause it's a montrealer discussion I've had on several occasions: la tristesse dans le métro which I was reminded of yesterday. Big time. It's not a "problem" or anything, I see no resolve, it's this forced social (asocial?) experience locked in movement with a handful of strangers. No music, bad air and (again) very harsh light. This is a whole different story for "women" in the metro, and in all of Montreal at that -- it's a post I'll get to very soon (inspired by another Montreal summer and what guys-like-me get to experience there). I can't speak for everyone but I do notice an abundance of sadness on those underground trains, in people's faces -- I've seen so much of it, I mean people litterally holding back their tears, you know this is the last place they wanna be right now, exposed to unknown observers -- the irony of it is that he/she is either escaping drama or heading towards it, inevitable. So many mysteries. Is it the lighting? It really lacks seclusion. This affects me very much. But once in a while, you'll spot some couple, some lovers sitting there like nothing else exsists around them -- it's a beautiful thing to witness. If given the occasion, I'll throw them a sympathetic smile like "yeah, you guys've got a good thing going there, let it shine, this place needs it". Listen I'm not saying that I spend my subway time checking out peeps and shit like that but we all "look around" to see who's traveling with us. In a small ounce of casual non-extremist racial stance I'll say that I sure wish some mid-western immigrants would add "soap" to their evil religions, perhaps learn to be more civil also, but hey -- that's very general, happens in every ethnicity too (fuck I'm censoring myself here, but you know what happens when you tell/fight the truth, someone shuts you up: enter individualism). Anyway, yesterday there were these two not-too-good-looking people (by my standards anyway, who am I to judge) just sitting there talking to each other with so much happiness in their faces, you know, barely containing their love, joking around and realized they were speaking a bit too loud... they were very shy at that point looking in my direction, all I could do was smile back, long live people like that. They didn't over do it, no disrepect, the last thing they needed was some jerk coming down on them, no way man, you guys LIVE. It's so easy to jump the gun when surrounded by all this negativity, just put it in another context. Take care of yourselves, happy people, just so rare. More power to them.

husk /essem post number sixty

Could've been a nice gray day if not for the harsh light reflecting on last night's unexpected snow. But there it is, still, in all its glory. Tell me that doesn't look like March in Montreal to you. Late on mostly everything. Why is it that an organised schedule must always be interrupted. When you anticipate such things; it's twice the hassle. The creativity gauge is low and my audacity is blocked due to high expectations albeit an interesting challenge. Motivates the destructive void I mentioned previously, wasn't just some tacky headline. I'm starting to accept that things must change, in such a void, but I fear this might cause something unforeseen... well, that's change isn't it? Have you ever noticed that a "nice change" is just that -- a nice change; change is so commonly bad that when it is good, it's attatched to an adjective. Nice change. A rare occurence then, no? The folly of being a versatile artist is that you don't excel in any specific art form. You just dabble in as many areas as you're interested in. That's not pretentious is it? Sorry, just being diplomatic here, I don't really care. I see peers, collegues and clients in interviews, on tv, in hot topics and though I've only scratched the surface of media attention (though not in Canada I'm affraid) I do long for something else to make one of my paths the absolute path. I will say on my behalf that it has always come to me, not the other way around. So yeah, that's something for ye olde ego. «What are you gettin' at, S**** ?» Oh yeah, actually this is some kind of reminder for me as well. I haven't updated "the site" since last december, I think, and that's the problem, that alias, if it is indeed shown as being versatile, that makes it less appealing to anyone who concentrates on one single artistic passion. Someone who picks up any design magazine, any design article, goes to design galleries, reads about famous designers and new hip trends... could be design, could've been music (though I mix both for work) and there's nothing wrong with that but my tastes aren't stuck to one pillar, and I don't mean to be derogatory, I admired people's "single-passions" more than the content they talk about. I prefer having a nice blend of music, art & design in my life, but you will stumble onto people who can showcase their one true passion and share it vividly. I can't allow myself to do that, it's just not true. Do I make a living with my music? No. And that's the other side of the coin. Shouldn't the site be a focus on my financial path? Isn't that borring? I see this as an imperfection, I think I've always benefited from it too. Yeah, I agree, it's high time for me to punch photography in the face.

060306

Deadline free, or rather, nothing too rush. I have time now. But even when you don't; you can make time. One week for emptiness, another to juggle ideas and two to produce them. Risky and cliché turns on the second week usually provide the ideal trail. All I have to follow up on is a palette of red, and twelve beautiful songs to guide me there.